Facebook

There are many reasons to sign into Facebook. Facebook can be a quick, efficient tool for necessary research and information gathering. There's a lot of useful, relevant information right on one screen that, ya, for your good friends you have somewhere else, but on Facebook it's all right there. And more...

So you sign on for, let's say, your friend's phone number and to see if their status says "sitting at home, bored, alone call if you want to do something..anything!!" or an equally desperate plea for company thus implying that they'll happily accept your invitation to go to the bar with the 80s dance jams that you've dying to try on the completely opposite side of town, since they clearly don't have anything better to do. Great. Call 'em up, or, since they're so bored and just updated their status, you know they're online. Quick Facebook chat and you've set up your rendez-vous! Bam.

Contrarily, their status could say, for example, something along the lines of "waaaaHOOO, LAS VEgaS WITH ThE GIRLS!!! WHAT HApPENS IN VegAS STAYS In VEGASsssS" in which case no, they're not free to get a drink with you. Additionally, the (mostly) caps and extended "ooo"s and "SssS" implies they've already had a few drinks yet are still sober enough to access Facebook on their mobile phons, mental note, you'll have make sure to encourage them to review their mobile uploads when they get back to the real world as they really do want whatever happened in Vegas to stay in Vegas.

But, you, as their good friend should probably keep an eye on all their Facebook activity over the weekend, just to make sure it doesn't get too incriminating or...Oh! There are already some pictures up! OMG, why did my friend invite HER over ME for the girls weekend...Look what she's wearing! Where did she go to school...omg, she WOULD have gone there. I wonder if she knows...And BOOM. Just like that. Facebook stalking. Before you know it you're spending hours diving deep into groups (who would join a group in celebration of condiments...oh, I'm in that group too, forgot about that...omg, we're in the same group!), friends, friends of friends, past, present, and future more-than-friends....

My gauge of when you've hit rock bottom: you've been digging for awhile, one more level and you'll probably hit Kevin Bacon. You're looking at party pix, baseball game pix, concert pix and then, there it is: the slightly faded, bent corner, off-center scan of your friend's, friend's, friend's, friend's, friend in the first grade sporting a florescent geometric shaped sweater tucked into matching leggings and a big, velvet scrunchy holding up an off-center poly tail all tied together with a front-toothless smile. You feel really awkward. Awkward for them. Awkward for you. Awkward that your stalking has brought you here. You quickly return to your profile, like you didn't see any of it, and vow not to be so nosy next time...

Thanks to Marshall for providing* this awkward (or, as he would say, awkward turtle) but adorable picture.
*Okay, Marshall did not provide, nor has he yet approved the use of this photo, but we asked! If not approved I'm considering calling it awkward baby 1...